Anorgasmia. Where should one look for a solution?
“To enjoy sex, you must be at peace with yourself”
(c) Catherine Blan, sexologist, and psychoanalyst
Human sexuality, sexual activity, orgasm. Sometimes it seems that we talk too much about this and do little to feel and have pleasure. We talk much, but these conversations do not always help a person who is studying his/her sexuality to understand the cause of his problems (since there was such a request, there are some reasons).
In the 21st century, female orgasm still raises a lot of questions, and according to the Internet, almost 75% of women never reach orgasm only through sexual intercourse, and 15%, most likely, will not experience it under any circumstances. The female orgasm is not evolutionarily predetermined, unlike the male one, which is extremely necessary for ejaculation, i.e. for procreation, reproduction, and preservation of species.
Is female orgasm a rudimentary physiological reflex? No, no, I don’t even want to think about it. A woman is created for pleasure, enjoyment, delight, and happiness. And we will interpret the female orgasm as a very necessary treat, a physiological act-training – preparing the uterus and genital tract for childbirth.
Long ago physiologist Pavlov said: “The organ performs the function, – the function trains the organ”. So, let an orgasm be! Let us look at the causes of orgasm disorders in women and possible stimulation methods, because we are already fed up with the general recommendations like “relax”, “surrender”, etc. I have formulated a list of the main possible problems that a healthy woman may encounter (we will conditionally consider a woman without neuro-somatic diseases, injuries, and anomalies in the development of organs).
Psychological reasons include:
Basal Frustration. Namely – fear of intimacy, fear of becoming pregnant, fear of infection, lack of a sense of security, mistrust of a partner and lack of contact with him. These conditions do not allow a woman to fully enjoy her feelings and intimacy with a partner.
“What can help: work with yourself, training to communicate your desire and fears, work with acceptance, trust, changing beliefs – consult a psychologist, sex therapist, gynecologist – selecting reliable contraception, a healthy trusted partner. ”
Lack of knowledge of physiology and anatomy does not equal to understanding the orgasm achievement mechanisms. Fear of being “ridiculous” and unaware of how your partner is biologically structured, won’t help. You should make male anatomy clear for yourself with the help of professional literature. This will increase your confidence. Study of the body can help. Having figured out how it works, you can learn how to feel it together with your partner. Conversations, individual or pair consulting by a sexologist will help as well.
Constant tension, neurosis, inability to relax – often these conditions are not related to sexual activity, but result in general life stress (work, finances, relationships with loved ones). What should you do? Learn how to relax. Daily meditation for 15-20 minutes, yoga, Ayurvedic and other types of massage. Learn to leave common external problems behind the threshold of your “bedroom”.
Waiting for orgasm. A lot of tension around physical discharge can lead to perception disorder of sexual stimuli and loss of orgasmicity. What can you do about it? Don’t stay in painful expectation but practice the feeling of being “here and now”.
Absence of the ability to adapt to a partner is the problem of people starting their relationships. Women’s happiness largely depends on female adaptability, her ability to be flexible and communicative. Only practice and experience can help in such a situation.
Anatomical disorders (anatomical and physiological causes):
Lack of time, intensity of mechanical interaction with a partner. This includes weak erection, quick ejaculation, a short prelude, or a short period of frictions. What to do about it? Help yourself. Having studied your body, knowing the erogenous zones and successful places of stimulation – “present” them to a partner, as well as stimulate yourself.
Painful sensations, discomfort, body diseases. There may be several problems – anatomical disorders, inflammatory processes, sexually transmitted infections – a range of causes that interfere with an orgasm. To solve this problem one should visit a gynecologist, have a medical check-up. Take treatment.
Lubrication deficit – a decrease in the secretion of natural “lubrication” by the glands. The reason may lie in insufficient time and intensity of the prelude, weak excitement, presence of nervous tension, hormonal disorders, dysbacteriosis. The use of lubricants can help to cope with that and, at the same time, to understand the main reason – to visit a gynecologist, talk with a partner.
Intolerance to local and barrier contraceptives – and as a result – pain, irritation, anorgasmia. Selection of rational contraception, a reliable partner (regarding infectious factors) will help to solve the problem.
Weak or absent muscle tonus. This condition is connected to inactive lifestyle, injuries, hard physical work, weightlifting, childbirth with a large fetus or several pregnancies. The pubococcygeal muscle weakens (and, accordingly, the tone of the sphincters decreases) up to pelvic organ prolapse.
This leads to insufficient contact and feeling by the partners of each other during intercourse, the woman’s orgasmic cuff does not reach its tonus, and orgasm may not occur. To help herself a woman should regularly train her intimate muscles, do physical exercises, control her posture, refuse from weights, use sex toys and stimulants, as well as breathing practices.
Maladaptive masturbation – masturbation that allows you to achieve orgasm only on your own, without involving a partner (for example – by leg compression). The usual mechanism of self-satisfaction is stronger and easier than pair contact and stimulation.
The way out is to learn new things – create a new reflectory path, build new “reflex” bridges with a partner (the partner joins the process of masturbation before orgasm, gradually forming a new sensation habit), in addition, one should strengthen intimate muscles with training, as well as use breathing exercises for switching attention. Also, therapeutic refusal from orgasm for some time is possible. Sex therapist, gynecologist or psychologist can be of help here.